Winter Shoes for Cross-Country Running

Анна Полосина

…The brilliant narrative makes itself felt in the captivating integrity of language and style…

…one cannot but admire the terse and aphoristic homespun wisdom…

…but, once again, the undoubted brio of the style makes up for any shortcomings. The portrayals of the “fiancés” are among the most striking features of the book, including, of course, the self-portrait, which wins a reader’s heart. A little bitterness, like the flavour of a good wine, provides the aftertaste that is tantamount to aesthetic appreciation…

(Igor Kubersky)

Anna Polosina

Winter Shoes for Cross-Country Running

В© Anna Polosina, 2016

© “U Nikitskikh vorot”, design, 2016

Chapter 1. Preview

When did I get the idea to write this book sharing my rich experience infiltrating London Introduction agencies? About a year ago. I cannot say it was a treat to write. Not quite. Fact was, even I couldn’t figure out what on earth I was writing it for.

The budget of the book inspires awe. It equals the cost of aВ good car, no more, no less. Even a premium car, sort of. An inquiring reader could ask: why the agencies ofВ London? Because, in my late 30s and early 40s, IВ tried to use everything IВ had to my advantage. Men on the Moscow market looked to me all like the boys from the History ofВ Literature or Liberal Arts department ofВ University, where every representative of the masculine gender is valued much higher than his market price. You know any man feels like a good catch in the conditions where the supply is constantly shorter than the demand and competition is far behind. But should you cross the road, you will п¬Ѓnd yourself at the Physics Department, where the demand will sharply reverse and the most average girl from the Liberal Arts Department will get more than her fair value of male attention and even adoration. But this is exactly what we are looking for! Just as that average girl from the Liberal Arts Department, IВ turned myself to the equivalent ofВ Physics department, to look for my share of womanly happiness with subsequent capitalization.

This long and winding road п¬Ѓrst brought me to the dating Agency specializing in fair business, then to an Agency featuring not enough paid members, then, by my pure carelessness, to another circle of this forlorn Agency which by then was absolutely deserted, then to an Almost Ideal Agency and, last of all, to the Most Expensive Agency. If IВ look back at the costs, my least fortunate investment turned out to be the second round at Agency with Almost No Members. But what characters did it put on my way!

The Young Granddad of 53 was the first to open the door to the world of introduction agencies. What did he tell me? Not to show the best picture but stick by the plain one, because this way the date is programmed to trade up. The Granddad was handsome enough, but I tagged him as “Fat Face” (undeservedly) at the first glance of his picture. To find the exact girl he wanted, he had to meet 50 or 60 damsels in 6 months, according to the statistics he explained to me. Some encounters only lasted 15 minutes. He preferred to set their trysts in Starbucks, appreciating the coffee shop for its concept of inexpensive self-service. Young Granddad froze his membership and, having lived together with some lucky girl for four years, got back on the single market, with many dates ahead. But the Granddad was unabashed. He had a timber and furniture business, having begun as a carpenter, and was used to hard and heavy work. When I told him my plans to find a suitable man in just ten dates, he was openly skeptical. I forgot to ask him if his lucky chosen one retrieved her frozen membership or if she had to pay for it again. Our date lasted a couple of hours, then Yana came to join us. Not thinking it proper to pay for my friend’s wine, Granddad withdrew, and I found his tea in my bill, which was oddly logical. Granddad was a clever cookie, I readily shared his lessons with my comrades on the hunt for love, or f